Truthfully, I should be working on all my homework, but I’m procrastinating between that, Gaia and this. I’ve always wanted a blog, but I get distracted and then I don’t update. Chances are that I have a million blogs accounts under different e-mail accounts, but now that I only have one e-mail account that I’m sticking to—well, yea.

So, explain Ambivalent Mind Fucks? Well, for English, I was writing a prompt and I was supposed to be using the word “ambivalent”. So, I did so, but I got stuck and didn’t know what to put after “ambivalent mind”, the first word that jumped into my head quicker than quicksand sinks helps elephants was “fuck”. I adore curse words. I use them all the time, but I have to censor my speech because it’s not needed for everything. But like pre-diabetics use salt for everything, knowing it’ll kill them in the near future, I dash it on everything. Oh well, it’s my life, kinda stuck with it.

Senior year.

Everyone was excited for it, I am too, thats no doubt. But it is fucking busy. I have homework, then I gotta take senior pictures. The reason why I was awake at an unknown time of 5:40AM to go to the hair salon this morning and get my hair re-did. Luckily, I wasn’t in there for an hour and I did have this novel (Beautiful Lies by Lisa Urger) to read. So, yea. The girl who washes my hair, Brittany, she’s cool and all (skinny like shit too) but I’m deaf so when she speaks to me, our conversations are usually filled with “Huh?” and “Ohkay”. I love to talk, but when I get in there, I get sleepy and then I don’t. I guess it’s just one of those things you deal with being a girl.

PLUS, I wanted to go to church today. Blame my mom, she’s an ass. She doesn’t like driving me anywhere. Matter fact, I think she hates spending time with me period. She’d prefer I stay at house majority of the time. Then I’m not around to piss her off for no reason. Her excuse was because I got my hair wrapped when I left. So, you know, everyone is gonna be like: “Ohmygosh, she has her hair wrapped! How distasteful. Why did she even come to church?”

I don’t give a fuck, really, about what other people think of me. If they’re paying attention to me, then that means I’m doing something right, right?

My to-do list is still kinda busy. Here:

1. Homework

2. Homework

3. Homework

4. Homework

5. Go door-to-door selling crap for fundraiser. Hopefully, I’ll be the only one who sees it as crap. This goes to my senior package. I need money. Family is forever broke. They hate me and money in the same sentence.

6. I need to get my second tat. I know what I want. I want a dove on my collarbone. It’ll hurt like shit, but that’s what I want. Get evangelical on it.

7. Re-do wardrobe. You can tell that I’m just getting over being forced to be dressed by my mother. If I’m going to college, I need to look bitch-ass awesome every day. Even in sweats and a tee.

8. Find my hot iron. It was FOURTEEN dollars. Hell yea, I needa find that.

9. College scholarships. Like I said, me and money do not mix with folks. I want to go to Columbia College in Chicago and at the same token I want to go to Morgan State in the 410. Ugh, decisions, decisions, decisions.

10. I need a pair of red heels. Why? Because I want some. I saw these pair of black heels by Kimora Lee in JcPennys. They were sexy like shit. But momma wouldn’t get them. I wonder why… [insert sarcasm here]

Only ten things, easy right? Well, I’m a freaking grade-a procrastinator. So this is going to take me a long time to do. This sucks. I wish it was summer again. Where I spent my days chilling with my people and sleeping until 11.

But life is short is never not hectic.

I guess.

Whatever.

Fuck.